Year in Review - 2025

Or: What a f--king rollercoaster.

I haven’t done a reflective end of year post in awhile. I feel like doing that now. Like many folks around New Years, there’s a sense of reflection, anticipation, hope, etc.

Back in Dec 2024, I felt good about this coming year. The previous 5 were even more tumultuous. At this point though I had just finished the first half of a new school year at my new work location. For a job I felt would just be “punching the time card” to keep my bills paid while I worked to expand my farming business, quickly reignited my love and enjoyment of music and teaching.

The first “negative” of the year though was deciding to leave my farm. From what I thought was initially a very positive new location with way more space, little issues kept creeping up, and when the landlord went on a total pro Trump, pro conservative, and then down the rabbit hole of wild conspiracy theories and anti-trans rhetoric… by the way, only instigated by a half joking comment about how I’m glad I moved to Canada before Trump came to be president… I just did not feel comfortable, safe or wanting to put one more bit of time, effort or money into their land. So I left the farm.

Besides that, I felt like I was getting back on track with various other things in life. My trans-ness was still closeted to my wife, and I felt this year HAD to be the year that changes.

In March, I turned 40, and maybe it can be a “mid life crisis” or just a “dealing with a f-ed up world crisis”, but whatever, I finally came out to her. I won’t say it’s been all sunshine and roses but overall she’s still been pretty supportive. I went to Toronto with her for a work trip during my spring break, which was the first time I flew anywhere since 2019. We had a lovely trip, and it was really good for me to have a break from everything around home at this time to clear my head and just explore a new city.

This trip was the first time I started to open up and express my feminine side to her more, as well as slightly in public. I tried on women’s shoes and bought a nice pair in a shoe store, helped by fantastically supportive woman. I got some clothing from Torrid, asking to use the dressing rooms and was fully respected there, even while still having full facial hair and basically presenting masc.

Over the next few months, I spoke to my doctor, got a referral for an endocrinologist, work was lots of fun. My wife and I were also gearing up for a big summer trip to Europe!

By the way, I wrote about a lot of this in other posts since I started blogging (Stacking?) in April, so I’m going to skim details for this post.

The Euro trip was another highlight, but also had my first major blatant misgendering experience. But this was a time where I really presented more femme for the first time in public. Wearing femme clothing, my bra with breast forms, I had shaved my face by this point. In Paris I used the ladies room by Notre Dame, and when a clearly southernish American accent started talking to me, I got nervous, but she was asking if any stall had TP in it… upon her trying two more with no luck, I turned around and offered her some tissue I had in my purse, which she gratefully accepted. I felt good as my first time just being seen as another woman and helping a woman out in the ladies room.

Paris I felt the most comfortable, Germany was a mixed bag. Munich, Köln and Stuttgart were ok. Austria I felt there was a lot of gendered stereotyping going on. It was at the festival when I was forced to stand in the “man” line vs the “women” line going through security, with the guy yelling and pointing at me repeatedly, I’m sure almost making me known to others more than telling me where to go. Single stall toilets at the music fest we attended were clearly gender neutral, some people put up tape labels for “Frauen” (women) on one side in some areas. Upon leaving one toilet once that was on the makeshift ladies side, a woman walking up to go in suddenly turned around when she noticed I wasn’t explicitly a “woman” coming out, and then went back and forth all confused… ironically she ended up going into a toilet on the “mens” side, hah.

The fest though was still lots of fun overall, and as I said the trip as a whole was also another stepping stone in being comfortable as myself in public.

It wasn’t until August when I finally had my Endo appointment, and finally got my HRT prescription at the end of that month. So I started my HRT, coming out at work, and the new school year basically all at the same time.

Coming out as a trans woman at work went smoothly enough. I am glad that I have had no outright negative interactions. Mostly people are clearly supportive, or just don’t say anything. A few folks I felt the vibes were different and they were a bit more distant with me than in the previous year. As far as explaining and changing things with students, it was a bit more shakey. Most kids again are fine to accept and change my title/name no problem. I get so many girls complimenting my clothing anytime I have anything “pretty” on, and they ask me about when I’m getting my ears pierced or going to paint my nails, etc. Some kids have been more resistant. It’s frustrating arguing my existence with a 2nd grader. For some situations, it was clear some families and parents were feeding negative views to their children, clearly telling them to continue calling me “Mr. …” Luckily admin has fielded most of those situations without involving me. For better or worse, on one hand I want to know where I stand with people, but on the other it’s nice to not have a barrage of parents attacking me.

However as the school year has progressed, and I’d seen families, most seem to be fine with who I am, and even encouraging and congratulatory, which is appreciated.

Unfortunately, early on in the school year, there was that incident of the CK guy getting shot. I said something on some random facebook post on some random page… and some random person took a screen shot, looked up where I work, and sent it to my district.

This has led to a variety of frustrating interactions with my admin/district since, due to this event, and a series of others.

I can’t really elaborate at this time, but it hasn’t been fun.

I dealt with being sick more often than I would have liked early in the fall.

Once I was finally healthy, I got t-boned in my car from someone running a red light.

Another annoying parent/admin situation around some songs for my Halloween concert.

Trying to recover from the accident. Usual teaching stress. Overactive students. Plans for setups not happening. Feeling unsupported. Not respected.

I hit my limit. Another thing happened that wasn’t good, and I can’t talk about.

I’ve been off work for most of the past two weeks, to “focus on my health.”

This all leads to the end of 2025. Much more frustrated, disheartened, and not really sure what’s to come in 2026.

Merry Christmas I guess.