The (un)Bearded Lady.
I shaved my face this weekend.
Since I was in my early pubescent years, I looked up to some older students who had been growing big fuzzy sideburns. I felt to be cool, to be manly, to be whatever… I needed that too. It took me much longer than I wanted until I had enough scraggly hair and peach fuzz to start growing out my “sideburns”… but with very few exceptions, I’ve had hair on the side of my face for the last 25ish years.
It took a lot longer for hairs on my chinny chin chin to fill enough for a goatee just coming off my chin. Eventually I’d start to let the sideburns and goatee connect. sides of my cheeks and moustache still very sparse until during the pandemic, I finally let it all go to try and grow a full beard… which kinda worked for a bit, but not really.
About 5 years ago, when I was first “cracking” (see: Egg - ie, trans person starting to realize they’re trans), I shaved my face. My wife freaked out. I wasn’t yet able to confront her on the thoughts in my mind, and I shoved that femme part of myself back into the closet and didn’t let her out until a few months ago.
Besides recently shaving my body hair, legs, chest, pubes, etc, I hadn’t yet touched the face. I felt this is like another big step since it’s so noticeable publicly, but also some lingering fear of my wife’s reaction was holding me back. I’ve dipped my toe in going out dressed in femme clothing, or browsing/buying womens clothes, but feel awkward as a bearded person that looks like a cis-white-dude. But after some chats with my therapist recently, and needing to shave my regular head hair anyway, I took the plunge. Even when my wife asked if I was gonna do it, knowing she knew I might, and telling me she was sad, I hesitated. Until the buzzer went across my chin, and there was no turning back.
I shaved my face clean.
I can finally see the face I tried to imagine for so long.
Next is makeup I guess!