My time in Europe this Summer
Expressing my true gender through France, Germany & Austria
(AI Art Image - Prompted By Me.)
A little over a week ago my wife and I returned from our trip to Europe. From the jump, I’ll say it was an amazing time overall! We got to share so many experiences, new places, sharing some of my old haunts with her, and freely expressing myself as a woman the most consistently and publicly yet.
Our trip began with a flight from Vancouver BC, to Calgary, AB, and then the long haul to Paris, France!
We were only staying in Paris one night to start off, so once we finally got to our hotel, settled in and cleaned up a bit, we went out for some dinner. My wife wanted to show me a cafe she’d been to with her mom when they traveled here a year ago. We wandered our way through the city, by the river, and finally to the cafe. The streets were a mix of beautiful vibrancy, and trash and piss. Unfortunately the latter due to the “Day of Music” festival the day before obviously being a rollicking good time.
Besides the smell, as the afternoon sun waned across the sky there were so many people out and about. Friends, couples, families. I was dressed fully femme, wearing a bra, boob forms in, short shorts. I felt wonderful and comfortable with my wife down the streets. Other “alternative” or probably visibly queer folks around gave me a sense of relief and acceptance.
We settled into the cafe, I got a craft cider and we ordered crepes. We enjoyed looking out to the walk way along the Seine as we sat at our table and ate our meal. Afterwards we walked back to the hotel, settled in for the night, and got ready to continue the journey.
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The next morning we walked to the train station, got some pastries and coffee, and boarded our train from Paris to Munich!
While in Munich I got to embrace dressing femme more as well. I would say I definitely got more stares, mostly from older people. Younger folks either didn’t seem to care or it didn’t even matter to them.
A positive feeling of reinforcement was that it was the week leading up to the big Pride parade weekend in Munich. The main town square, as well as other parts of the city were decorated with Pride flags everywhere! Our second night there we attended a concert with the Rainbow Orchestra and a quintet of members from the Munich Philharmonic! I wore a flashy purple/pink iridescent blouse with silver sparkles on it. It felt so nice to be in a space for queer people, in my pretty top, enjoying some amazing professional music.
Another key “level up” moment was wearing my femme clothing while going out to lunch at the legendary Hof Brau Haus! We were treated with respect, enjoyed our meal, and I used the ladies room! On the unfortunate side when paying the waiter then said “thank you sir” to me… so a few steps forward, one step back… but it didn’t waver me much. After our few days exploring Munich and getting adjusted to the new time zone, we rented a car and continued on to Bad Füssing.
Bad Füssing is a little town way at the south of Germany, just on the Austrian border. We selected this place, as the next 4 days we were attending “Woodstock der Blasmusik” in Ort im Innkreis Austria! It is one of, if not Europe’s largest wind band / brass music festival. Bands of all genres from traditional folk music, to avant guard experimental stuff, rock bands with horns, jazz bands, pop music, etc, are all here. Over 100,000 people are estimated to have attended on the Saturday of the weekend.
Feeling empowered by my experiences in Munich, I continued to dress with my bra on and short shorts, but put on a bit of a baggy button-up shirt. When we arrived, your hotel manager was a lovely lady and didn’t make a fuss one way or the other, just talked to me and us normally. We prepped to head to the festival for the opening afternoon/evening but then got some bad news…. a thunderstorm was coming, and they were cancelling the first few shows and telling all people already on site to find secure places in vehicles until further notice. We look out the windows and it’s mostly clear and sunny. The town with the festival is only a 15 minute drive away over the border, so we thought, well let’s go for a drive and just see what things are like.
We found the festival grounds, saw dozens if not hundreds of people still milling about, and the weather still hot and sunny… but the warnings persisted. So we went back to the hotel and waited it out. Eventually the rain did come, and finally they opened the festival grounds again. We got in the car and went back to begin the adventure!
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This should have been where the most exhilarating experience happens, entering the festival grounds of this place I’ve watched online for three years and dreamt of attending. Unfortunately, it is where I experienced probably the worst experience of our entire trip.
We parked, walked to the main entrance, waited in line to get checked in, get our wristbands, it’s all smooth and lovely. I’m excited, I’m happy! We’re actually here at Woodstock der Blasmusik!
The festival grounds have multiple stage areas, and there are multiple security checkpoints for each zone. We walk to join the entry to the mainstage area. As expected there is security checking bags and doing pat-downs. I knew this would probably happen, but I felt I’m ok… I am wearing short shorts, a musical button up but also have a bra on with my boobs in. A ball-cap and my hair in a ponytail coming out, tied with trans-flag blue/pink/white hair ties. I’m not explicitly high-femme, but also not full on “boy mode” either.
As we wait in the line, a shaved head asshat with a missing front tooth starts telling people in a loud voice “Männer links, Damen Rechts” or “Men to the left, women to the right” - this seems to the the first anyone at any of the three main entries has heard this, and women and men who didn’t seem bothered or cared which gender security person they’d be checked by shuffle lines moving over as the guy continues yelling “Männer links, Damen Rechts.”
I went with my wife in the women line. The guy now is pointing at me (but without eye contact) “Männer links, Damen Rechts.” I try ignoring him and shuffling closer into the womens line. The guy says it again, tapping me on the shoulder multiple times, again no direct contact, but almost to announce to those behind this is a man, they’re in the wrong line and need to move over. Eventually sharing a nervous and slightly scared look with my wife I begrudgingly move back over. The guy is still tapping me and yelling it over my shoulder. I stare him down and say “Ich hab dich schon gehört” I already heard you. He says it ONE more time, quieter, but still… Someone behind me asks a question that I assume was something like what if they’re trans, or non-binary. The asshole laughs saying “uhh, I don’t know, between the lines one hand left one hand right.” It took all my energy not to punch his lights out.
I got through the checkpoint feeling utterly terrible. My first big transphobic experience, upon entering my paradise of “Love, Peace, and Blasmusik”, where all attending are supposed to be respected, according to the festival itself.
I just wanted to crawl up and cry. The joy and excitement I was feeling before was gone. But we went ahead to the main stage. One of the main artists I was hoping to see was on stage with an all-star jazz band. Eventually the music helped cheer me back up. The rest of the night was wild. The rains came back, but the music continued. The ground was a mess - deep puddles of soggy water/woodchips and mud. I wanted to stay for the headliner, one of the bands that had blown my mind since I first heard them online and saw the videos of their shows here at Woodstock. The crowd was so wild, smashed together, moshing, drunk/smoking people. I could also tell I was coming down with a cold, and this rain was not going to help… but still, by the time Querbeat was onstage and their set happened, I was ecstatic!
Due to the experience entering on the first day, I reverted back to my “boy-mode” the remainder of the festival. I enjoyed myself, the music, the atmosphere. All of this while also dealing with the cold I was hoping wouldn’t happen (it did). I’ll maybe write more indepth on the musical side of things, but for now we’ll continue on focusing on aspects of my gender expression while on our trip.
Leaving Bad Füssing on Monday, we drove back to Munich, then got on a train to Nord-Rhein Westphalen, the northwestern state of Germany. Specifically we went to Dortmund via train, and then via taxi to Herdecke. Herdecke is a tiny little town in the middle of one of the most industrial areas of Germany. While the majority of the region is old mines, factories, and boring hastely rebuilt building after WW2, Herdecke itself miraculously was relatively unscathed. The middle of the town still has many houses from the 15 and 1600s still being used to this day! We stayed in a hotel that recently renovated one such building.
During our stay in Herdecke I remained mostly in “boy mode” but towards the end wore some femme clothing, but without the boobs, until our last night out, and the morning before we left we went to the local market. I got some of the standard old people stares, but no super negative reactions. I felt re-charged and ready to be myself again on this trip as we were heading to Köln, a city known for it’s queer acceptance and one of the largest Pride celebrations in Germany.
I dressed full femme for our time in Köln, and again for our time in Stuttgart I was full femme mode (besides a few hours when I was going to buy a trombone from a small town brass shop).
The first evening in Stuttgart I again dressed femme, and more explicitly so than at Woodstock. I was going to see another favourite band of mine performing at a local festival. Just as before initially entering this festival seemed to go smooth and very well. As I got closer there were a couple of people in full femme drag, a good sign I felt, and all of the drink vendors had shirts with a rainbow symbol about pride on them. Ok, I’m in a good place.
Then I go to pass another security checkpoint on my way to the stages. 3 women security guards, 3 male. Barely anyone there at the moment, I wait behind one person, then it’s my turn. First guard is ignoring me, and I turn to the second but she motions for someone walking up behind me to come through… I step to the third and she deliberately tells me to go to the male line. The male security guy is also visably confused (again, I’m in short shorts, a tight shirt, and got my breast forms in). He quickly checks my purse, awkwardly and quickly pats my sides (all the female security guards giggle and cackle to each other), and he lets me through.
This time I don’t let it phase me as much, I go onwards and go see the band perform. I had an amazing time dancing to their music and hearing their music live!
The next day I kept it pretty masc again, as we were traveling to a rural area. We explored a small town my ancestors came from, which was really cool.
The next day we were going back to Paris for a few days before flying back to Canada. The remainder of this trip I dressed full femme all the time! It was very empowering, I didn’t receive any negative interactions, and everytime I used a ladies room I felt like I was leveling up. The best experience was at the toilets next to Notre Dam. They were free, but due to that same fact, not the best kept up. The stall I used didn’t have toilet paper. Luckily I had a packet of tissues on me, and was able to do my business and clean up. As I step out there’s a woman waiting and in a loud American accent asks me “Does that one have toilet paper?” I say no, and go on washing my hands. She goes through two more empty stalls, clearly frustrated at the situation, so I turn and say “I have some tissues” and offer them to her. She gladly accepts and thanks me. I felt like a real woman helping out a fellow woman in that moment.
Paris this time around was much nicer. Partially because I think the rain helped wash away any stinkiness, but also because it’s clearly a much more open city when it comes to queer people. We didn’t go to the stereotypical areas or spots known for LGBTQ+ culture, but still had all positive interactions with folks, and any glances meeting someones eyes was just normal/ambivalent/or friendly. Those last few days in Paris I really felt the most comfortable and free being my true femme self out in the world.
Flying home I of course went back to “boy mode” clothing for the airport and plane. We were also getting picked up by my wife’s dad, and I’m not out to them yet.
This trip really empowered me though. I am very much ready to give less F—ks about who or how people will react to seeing me dressed as a woman. Yesterday I went out shopping at the mall, dressed en femme. I went to a mall a bit out of my way due to being nervous, but I did stop at two stores back in my town, fully knowing the chances of being spotted are high. Not to sound like an egotistical celebrity, but I am kinda known in the music/educational community. I’ve been told many times how I’ve been seen walking my dog, or here or there, or I get a student yelling hi to me. So, this is the next big hurdle to jump over — coming out professionally and being able to be fully out in public in my own hometown.
I have goals to start making this happen in the coming weeks and months. I am determined to be fully publicly femme at work and in the community this fall, as I also will hopefully start HRT at the end of August.
So many big changes coming down the road, but I am excited for them.