BDay & Monthly Update

Lucky Month #7 in Transition, 41st Year on Earth.

A few days ago was my 41st Birthday, and in the coming next few days I will be marking the 7th month in my HRT transition journey.

(AI Art, Prompted by Me.)

I didn’t write much intro/retro-spection on my facebook page because over half this year has been shrouded by bullshit involving my work. We’re getting close to a conclusion, but I also feel like it’s going to be more like a “SURPRISE! The story has been renewed! New Season of ‘fighting the system’ comes out this fall!”

I really hope the powers at be that I have to go talk to make a realistic and honourable decision. I’m not denying the fact me yelling at my boss in front of a bunch of people was inappropriate. Of course it was. But there were real legitimate causes leading to that breakdown/explosion. All of which not properly investigated and discounted in the investigation review. Then there was a bit calling me un-collaborative. Seriously pisses me off more than anything really. I mean, potential discrimination based off of my gender identity over 6 months is pretty crappy too, but how dare they slander my work ethic and professionalism like that!!?!

So I didn’t accept the discipline letter, now I get to plead my case at a board meeting. But I still got officially removed from my job, and placed on substitute teacher status. Not cool either. Fighting that is going to be way harder, but I’m gonna try. Really if they at least change the discipline letter, I’ll accept that and serve my “punishment” and grudgingly accept being ousted from my job… but it won’t stop me from taking things further in other arenas. So, like I said, even in best case scenario, the game isn’t over.

Anyway, As far as transition life goes, like I mentioned in my last or a couple posts ago I am feeling like things are reaching a nice “plateau” point. The wild intensity of mood-swings and feeling off have smoothed out, I think in large part due to switching to injections vs. patches, my E levels are most likely getting into the “normal” range. I won’t know for sure for another couple months until I go get the quarterly bloodwork done, but I am definitely feeling much better on a physical level than I have since starting all of this, and mentally/emotionally is going a bit better too. Granted again I’ve also had a lot of BS going on, so this is also feeling relatively even-keeled despite all the shit. Boobs are continuing to slowly grow. I feel like I am looking more “femme” when I see myself in the mirror, even without makeup, and where this used to cause me anxiety trying to hide myself looking femme, now of course I have embraced and love it, and every day I look more and more like the woman I feel like inside when I see myself in the mirror makes me feel so great!

Hitting my 41st year has been interesting to say the least. I knew at 40 that I had to make some moves and change some things. So the last year has had massive shifts in my life, as I started documenting here almost a year ago. Coming out to my wife, starting to present femme in public, going to Woodstock der Blasmusik on our big Euro adventure last summer, starting HRT, feeling really confident starting this school year teaching as the previous year was amazing, the slow downward spiral as things began to unravel at work, increased anti-trans rhetoric in the media and overall crap from tRump & Co in the US, coming out to family and fully public on the interwebs, re-embracing my trombone playing and starting to release my own recordings again, getting accepted into “Kapelle Gefällt Mir” at this years Woodstock, meaning we’re going back again!, one investigation against me found unsubstantiated once it FINALLY concluded, but the other went harder on me than I feel justified, so the fight continues.

Now it’s “spring break” even though I’ve now been off work since mid December. Assuming things get in order soon, I will start doing the sub thing with a gradual return to work plan in April. So that will be interesting to see how that goes.

Whatever the result of my upcoming board meeting, I just want all of this bullshit to be over and move on with life. As I came to the conclusion last year, I’m in the “mid-life” zone now. Barring any medical/technological marvels, It’s all downhill from here. Or at least a long plateau before I start to really go downhill. So I really don’t want to deal with any more crap anymore. I am living the best life I can for me, and I won’t shrink or hinder myself anymore for anyone, not even a job.

Happy BDay to me.